ayame2159

It's been 2 weeks since I updated!!

I told you I would be busy!!

So, let's update!!

I'm gonna start with this week....

Monday-
Last day for in-formal examns. I had Biology and Algebra. Officially at 12:31 PM that day, I was on holiday It's sad that I'm not going to see those people until next year. Ahaha, not really. I don't have to go back to that stupid place for almost 2 weeks.
HEAVEN!!
HEAVEN!!
It's almost as good as Riki shirtless on a hott day....
You didn't hear that....

I went over to my mum's that day and got some new music. Nothing that interesting.

Tuesday-
I swear, this is the longest day of the year because it's the day before Christmas Eve.
Christmas Eve is a big thing at my house.
I had counseling that day.
I actually got Christmas presents from him, in the right month.
So, I have to meet him at House of Kobe on January 3. I'm showing up with Riley and Shannon. I seriously don't want to do anything.

Wednesday-
FINALLY!!
CHRISTMAS EVE!!
That day went fast. I actually slept in until 11.
I wake up and my grandmother left, so I was the only female in the house.
Yes, I had to take over everything.
I didn't even have what I was wearing decided yet.
Mass was alright. It goes fast. My legs were bothering me again though.
Dinner was good. It took me longer to finish that day.
Present opening was good. I got 2 perfumes I wanted, a few CDs, some movies, and new socks.
Yes, I said socks.
I got my mum We Love Katamari. We played a few levels, and then I fell asleep.

Thursday-
Merry Christmas!!
All the gifts from my mum were in the living room.
Rock Band was fun to put together.
I also got some calendars, CDs, and some movies.
Melissa came home that night. I haven't seen her since the summer. Since she is here, Kitty and Snoopy are downstairs, and the rest of the cats are in one bedroom. Her cat gets the whole house, and all it does is sleep under the bed all day.
More presents that night. I got Kat Von D's make-up, a nice robe with skulls, the box set of the whole series of MEZZO, and some Linkin Park stuff.
I fell asleep early.

Friday-
I'm sick, I think.
Pauly is sick with the stomach flu, so hopefully I don't have that.
Tony came over for his birthday.
It was a long day.

I really want to get my hair cut, but I don't know what style. I am dying it back to red before school starts. Everyone made fun of it at school when I still had it. I don't care. I am just ignoring that stuff now.

Crazy Anarchist has ANOTHER girlfriend.
I'll meet him one day.
Does he still mean anything to me?
Yeah, but I don't know if it's relationship.

I'm changing one of the unused rooms in my house into a video game room. I need one LOL LOL.

Birthday is in 3 days.
Is anyone coming??
Ahaha, I hope someone shows up.

I seriously want a day alone at my house.

Even though it's holiday, I still can't sleep at night.
Can anyone solve that problem?

-Sorrow lasts through this night.
I'll take this piece of you.
And hope for all eternity.
For just one second I felt whole.
As you flew right through me.-

Those lyrics mean a lot right now.


Love always,
Jen

Happy belated Ninja Day!!!!

I went over to Riley's yesterday. It was awesome!

I went home with her after school and I got to meet her friend Shannon. She's awesome and she takes Latin!

We all went to Riley's soccer game. So, me and Shannon had to sit in the stands. We got some popcorn and this random 2 year old comes up to us and says "popcorn" and then puts his hand in Shannon's bag and takes some!

IT WAS SCARY!
THE SAME WITH THE BUZZER!

I'm officially part of the Runyon family now!!!!

It was so much fun Friday night!!
It's a weekly tradition to go home with Riley on Fridays.

I bought some warm clothes today.
I ran into Diana too!

I FINALLY GOT THE WEDDING PLANNER ON DVD!!
With Matthew M. of course!
The ending of that movie....MADE ME CRY.
I'm so female somedays....

I'm going to look for more of his movies tonight.

I FINISHED CHAPTER 3 IN SACRIFICE:SNA TODAY!!!!
I'm proud!

23 MORE DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!

I'll post later.

My name is Jen.
I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me.
Remember that.
It's important.

Love always,
Jen

Alright.
Updates!!!!

LONDON BOY EMAILED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*dies*
*dies*
It wasn't a great email at all. I think it's over.
Here's the line that makes me think that: "The long-distance thing is really straining I honestly can't keep up with it at the moment"
Is that a break up line? Or am I the only one thinking that?
Then I think about it. Wouldn't he have said "sorry" if it was a break up? And he isn't that much of a fag to end it in an email.
Then this is the line that makes me think that is isnt over:"because this is not really fair on you"
Okay?
I'm confused.

3 months went by, and he came back.
3 is an important number in all of this.
3 months ago, we had an argument on why he was never on and then when he was he was always tired. That was the last conversation I had with him.
That email makes a lot of sense now.
But to hold on to that for 3 months?

Which means that now that London Boy is gone, Crazy Anarchist might be coming back.
It seems that when one dissappears, the other comes back.
I'll have to wait and see what happens.

I was auctioned off today at lunch! I was the highest one in Latin! Someone bought me for $8.50, but they never claimed me.
Latin Club's first meeting is next Tuesday!!!!

I'm hopefully getting my hair cut this weekend!
Finally, a change after all this bad stuff.
I'm starting new.

This month is going to be EXTREMELY stressful.
I have a bunch of exams coming up.
Posts might be small.

I'm not gonna go to London first. There's not really a point to go there right now.
I'm going to Tokyo first. That's where I belong.

I'm still looking for love. It's somewhere.
My education is really important right now though.

I'll post later. I hope. I have a lot of homework....

My name is Jen.
I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me.
Remember that.

Love always,
Jen

That movie, seriously, makes me cry.
Yeah, average female act, I know. But this one is the only one that makes me cry.

That movie does make me think.
Perfect love. Why can't we all have that?
Well, I'd be happily in love with Matthew McConaughey.

But really, you always want to find that perfect love/guy.
Where's mine?
I guess I'll have to drool over Matthew McConaughey and Riki for now.
I'm still looking for him, even if I'm sort of in a relationship....I guess.

A one way ticket to London is $396.
The total, for to get there and back, is about $892.
Donations please?
It would be much easier if I just had to get there.
I really wouldn't want to come back.
I'd love seeing old friends and seeing where part of my ancestors came from.
But London is beautiful at night.
That image of Big Ben lit up at night, also makes me want to cry.
Just like the streets of Tokyo on a busy night.
I am promising myself right now.
You are gonna make it to London AND Tokyo one day.
Just keep saving and tell yourself,
everyday you make it through is one day closer to the day you step on that plane that's gonna take you to London. The next trip, it's gonna be Tokyo. Or the other way around of course.
You're gonna be driving around in your Mustang, with your sunglasses on, and you'll be looking awesome.
You'll have a book published by then.
I promise.

I think right now, I am over Crazy Anarchist.
Yeah, those awesome memories I'll think about someday.
But it's always wonderful to think about that he did love me once.
That's alaways awesome to know.
He's a great friend. Those memories and that time together were great.
But there's so much more out there.

Right now, I'm going to start focusing on my career and my education.
There's going to be those days where I'm going to want to drop everything and just quit.
But those are the days that are going to make me stronger.
I've got about 8 more years of school,
3 more years of being a child,
and about a month until I have to start driver's ed!
I'm ready for it.
Bring it on.

My name's Jen.
I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me.

Love always,
Jen

Happy Turkey Day everyone!

It's 1:12 AM and I'm STILL awake. I'm taking surveys LOL LOL.

I played the Sims all day.

Nothing really happened.

Officially on Sunday, it will be 4 WEEKS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a survey I took:
Describe yourself in 3 words:unique.caring.extraordinary.
Describe what you are looking for in a mate in 3 words:caring.trusting.loving.
Chocolates or Roses?:both
Surprises or Expectations?:both
What song would you like to serenade to someone?:i dont know
What song would you like to be serenaded by?:i dont know
Bad Boy or Nice Guy?:nice
Friend First or Love at first sight?:friend first
What is the most romantic city?:paris
Where is the most unusual place on your body you like to be kissed?:none.
What is the first physical feature you notice on the opposite sex?:eyes
If I didn't have you at hello, when did I have you?:when you looked at me
What is a requirement that the opposite sex must fulfill to date you?:make me laugh
Biggest turnoff?:immaturity
WARNING:You need to know that (fill in the blank) before you date me:i'm always gonna care

Love always,
Jen

Alright. Tomorrow is the last day before Thanksgiving break!!!!
I CANT WAIT!

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Ahaha.


On to other things....

Would you consider a realtionship with a person that you havent talked to since September over or still dating? If you have an answer, can you PLEASE tell me? Because I'm lost.

'Do you have a boyfriend?'
"Yeah."
'Does he go here?'
"No."
'What school does he go to?'
"He's in London."
'Really? That's so cool! When can I talk to him?'
"I don't know. I haven't heard from him in months."

Isnt that how every conversation will go??
Next plane to London is abuot $400.
Christmas present? PLEASE?!
Ahaha. He'll be put on hold, I guess.
I really do wonder what he's up to though.
I hope he's alright.
It worries me, the last conversation we had, was an argument.

I really do have the weirdest situations, ever.

Haven't heard from Joey all day.
I'm starting to really think he's hiding something.

I'll post tomorrow.

Love always,
Jen

Alright the title:
It's a song for the X-BOX 360 version of Guitar Hero. Crazy Anarchist sent me a video of him playing that song and i'm addicted to the song.
So, it's gonna be my myspace profile song soon!

I didn't go to Church today. I'm still not feeling good. God always forgives, right? It's not my fault that I'm sick.

For some reason, my Itunes are not reading that my I-POD is plugged in. I'll have to work on it later.

So about yesterday....

It was extremely awkward there. I wanted to get out of there SO bad.
After that I went to Tony's and played with Yuna! She's so cute!
Then hours later, me and my mum went to Walgreens and I ran into Aliyah there! IT WAS AWESOME.

I talked to Joey last night....
I really am sick of his shit.

I'm going to try to clear my mind and attempt to write.

Love always,
Jen

I haven't posted in a few weeks.
I was reading over my old posts. Damn, nothing good has been happening.
Like a friend of mine said, "Nothing seems to go right for you." Yeah, I agree.

Today, I'mn actually feeling happy. I guess I'm greatful for everything I have.
Yeah, I still have my problems, but I've got a lot of things I'm happy for.
I used to not appreciate things, but after recent events, I really do now.

I am sick though! It's not fair! I woke up every 5 minutes last night. I felt like I was dying. I'm in so much pain right now.

I have to go to White Castle today to meet my father again.
Great, I really don't want to. But as long as it gets me out of the house.

I GOT A KITTEN!
I named her Yuna. She's sooooooooo cute! I'll post pics soon.

Hopefully I'll spend the rest of my day resting, writing, and playing video games.
I'M GETTING IDEAS FOR MY STORY AGAIN!!!!
Another reason to be happy.

So yeah, this seems like a good day.

I'll post later after everything.

Love always,
Jen

Everything is going bad, again. I don't see much light in this darkness.
I don't see a light in any of this shit.

Everyone seems to have something against me. Or they think that I'm out to get them. I have my bad days, okay people? I'm human. It doesn't usually bother me, but for some reason it is now.

Somedays, I get to those points in my life where I need to rip my hair and my eyes out.

So, she called me a bitch today. What the fuck did I do NOW? We've been fine all week.
It used to piss me off. But now, I guess I really don't care anymore.

Crazy Anarchist-
I really, really am sick of you.
Seriously.
You are a sorry, pathetic, bi-polar bitch. You call me immature? I think you are the definition of it.

I don't plan on doing anything this weeked.
Just watching movies all day and stuff.

Call me and make plans?
Please?
Cookies for rewards!
And ice cream!

Love always,
Jen

Looooooooong day today.
Mum's car broke down so I had to wait until 4 to go home.
Haven't eaten much. Just haven't been in the mood.

FOR ONCE
I DONT HAVE ANYTHING ABOUT CRAZY ANARCHIST TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!!!!
I just wont talk to him.

Tomorrow we get out early! Open house tomorrow, I'll be going.

Responding to the argument again:

Pat and Joe haven't changed anything about me. They've just strengthened the way I think. It's nice to have friends that think the same way you do. And seriously, you don't know how either of them are until you're acutally friends with them.

I'm not really a social person. I don't really like going to stupid football games or any of that shit. I don't complain that people hate me, I just know that people hate me.

Last time I looked, I don't think they were that great friends with you. I think the word is more "acquaintances".

Yes you do live your life differently than me. You chose to live a stupid way that everyone else does. I prefer to take the road less traveled that still leads to success.

Clara and Lisa. Well, at least I have some people on my side.
Do you think I honestly care that people think I'm meaner?

I've been faking being your friend? RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.
That's a good one. That seriously amuses me.
I try to talk to you, but you always have to be snoby or whatever.
Can't say I didn't attempt.

Well, let's see. It's called High SCHOOL for a reason. I do believe that you are here to learn something.

Included me in anything my ASS.
I mean, it's still polite to ask someone if they want to do anything.

Enjoying high school.
I wish you saw how people really are and how retarted they are.

The stuck up people. I'm sorry, 95% are stuck up. The other 5 are the people who actually have their own thoughts and dont think the way everyone else does.

Not really. We never really started arguing until Jeralyn came around.
Ahaha, how funny. Ironic?

I never said I confronted you. I said I WOULDNT.
I never really did confront you on the internet. I just thought that you should read how I felt. I mean, you already said you noticed that I was "faking" or whatever.
Shouldn't you have confronted me then if I didn't say anything?[[Wait, that makes sense!]]

After today, your little army of "I hate Jen" people. It makes me laugh at how stupid people are to believe one person's point of view.
I called you a whore?
I like how you made that one up.
Wait, let me guess, one of your awesome best friends forever said I said that?
Who are you gonna believe:
Someone you met a few months ago?
Or your friend of 10 years?
I do want to let you know,
our friendship is one that's gonna last past high school [[if this friendship even continues]]. It's not like the ones where you'll lose contact after you graduate.

Joey actually has an opinion on this. He wanted to post something on here:

-So my idea here is to defend Jen by simply adding in my own commentary to this whole massive drama fest. The first message or yours was just all stupid drama so I will go upon the one that has more to respond to.
Well, me and Pat DO think the way we want, you didn't have a great point there. We think the way we want to, we don't act like everyone else because friends aren't as important as becoming a strong intelligent person, and having a free mind. I would like to point out that EVERYONE talks about people behind their backs. It just happens, get over it, now you know how it feels to be a victim rather than a suspect in this psycological game all you mainstream high school students engage in. Moving on to somthing more relivant here, Jen chooses her friends in a better way than most people. It makes A LOT more since to be the way you really feel naturally and see who can agree with that 100%. On the opposing realm, we have the blind way of flexing your personality so you can "fit in" AKA be a mindless sheep, brought up in the herd, just waiting going on with existence the easy way. Rather then worrying about having a bunch of friends who you only have so much in common with, you should be more concered about what you can do with your mind. If you break out of the mainstream cycle, you begin to adapt. Instead of meaningless luxuries and mindless acceptance, you acquire freedom and individuality. Your mind will grow and you will have more potential in comming years. All of the popular people and "cool" people in high school grow up into a boring exsistance of working, paying bills and not thinking secondly. On the contrary, all of the unique people go somewhere with there lives, and ultimatly are MORE happy because they are more free minded. Now I agree with Jen completely. See, shes running down the right road by being less open to EVERYONE. You, on the other hand, are going to most likely grow up with lots of friends, BUT have nothing special on an intelectual level. High school is social poison. You may think that this is all insulting you, but it's mainly because I hate seeing people become copies of this perfect little student that will grow into the people who ruin the adult world. All I can say now is, watch your mind, or you'll never realize what you could become as a person.-

Thanks Joey. At least someone is on my side. I like the sheep part LOL LOL.

Well Marielle, I hope you have a fun time responding.
I don't want to be your enemy, I just want to be your friend.
I'm just trying to save you from become like everyone else.
I'm looking out for you, whether you see that or not.

I seem bitchy in this one....
Maybe because I'm having a really fucking bad day?

Before I start ranting, I wanted to make some updates.

Talked to Crazy Anarchist again last night.
"I just got back from putting my angel to sleep."
WHAT?!
Your angel?
From what I remember, I believe YOU gave ME the nickname Engel.
Replacing me already?
"I told you already I'm trying new people."
So am I, but that doesn't mean you have to replace me.
No one is my Nikko.
Move on, seriously. Both of those girls are whores.
Hope you have fun getting STDs!

Going to work in a few minutes. Then the mall and Danielle should be coming over.
Hopefully working on my book tonight?

Alright, so my most recent post, I had a wonderful response! I am going to respond to it.

@MTB-

I've been a bitch? Well, yeah, I hate people.
With Jeralyn, yeah it does matter when she tries to act like she's so much better.
I'm just trying to look out for you, but don't listen to me then.
I've changed? Riiiiight. Maybe just matured more and not became more immature like some people.
Who's everyone anyway?
You've been pissed because I talked about you behind your back.
Grow up, seriously. Quit bitching about it. People get pissed and they talk. Dude, it's not like i'm targeting you or anything.
Well, i never really did like Christina so oh well. I don't really care what she thinks or tells you.

Yes, you've changed. Not for better, you're like an average American teenager now. And no, that isn't fucking good. That's fucking retarted to act like everyone else. That's the only reason why you're friends with people now is because THEY are ALSO average American teenagers!
Fitting in? Dude, WHO FUCKING CARES! You make friends for being DIFFERENT, not for being the same clone as everyone else. I'm friends with Ellie and Riley because I'm different.

Ignorant? What do you really mean by ignorant? And that I'm mean, sorry I just hate people.
What do Pat and Joe have ANYTHING to deal with this? They're are my friends, and I'm sorry that they have opened my eyes to more stupid teenage bullshit. They are the different ones. That sounded gay....
Not care for my other friends? No, I just don't trust people who stab me in the heart.
Internet buddies, i knew you were gonna use this one against me.
I already made new friends, ones that I know I could trust someday.
I mean, me, Clara, and Lisa are gonna stick together. I know that.

That text message.
It wasn't just saying i'm sick of all the bullshit but actually a test to see if you really could survive with one less friend.
I've done that once. And I guess you could call this the second time of giving up.
And it isn't really giving up, it's more like I'm letting you know I'm sick of female/teenage drama.

Understanding about things and caring about them are two different things.
I don't expect you to care or understand, I mean, I used to.
I don't expect anyone to really care, most of them don't.
I'm not gonna be all emo and say "You have to care about me because i'm your friend. I'm gonna go kill myself because you dont care."
It would be nice if someone cared though.
") ")

I try to hang out with you at least once every week so we can still have fun and keep this frienship going.

Like you've never talked about someone behind their back, seriously.
Doesn't it suck when it happens to you?

Well, I'm just trying to keep things they way they've been: awesome.
That's how a 10 year friendship survives.
I guess we're making up for years of not ever fighting.
Oh well, we'll get over it.
But somedays I wonder,
maybe this really is goodbye?
Or is this just a test,
to prove how much you'll stick with someone.

I just wish you felt the same way about me that I feel/felt about you.
Guess I'm never gonna get that ever.

I'll wait for your response.
Besides, this isnt half of the shit I'm thinking or feeling right now.
Well, this is called a BLOG for a reason.
I'm not gonna waste your time confronting you about it because you are too wrapped up in high school.

This is gonna sound like an emo post, I'm sorry! I don't really care anymore, I just need to get emotions out right now. I don't want to annoy people, so I'm going to annoy you, little blog.

-Had a nice conversation with Crazy Anarchist again. It seems he'll get into something but then realize he's feeling anything towards me and be such an ass. I swear, I know he's not gonna come back but I keep waiting and waiting. I'm sick of it. I've moved on, but inside I haven't. I don't want to think about him, just like he doesnt think about me. My God, I hate posting these things about him and just even mentioning him or even the thought of him. Eventually I'll move on and regret ever saying anything about him. But I'm gonna get this all out so I can sleep tonight. This is gonna be a long post, I guess.
I'm going to hate saying anything positive about this, but I guess I will. It's almost like he wants to feel something toward me, but then he stops himself. FUCK! WHY CANT YOU HONESTLY TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL WITHOUT HOLDING YOURSELF BACK?!
FUCK.
I HATE MENTIONING YOU! YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE ANY OF THIS OR ANY OF THE EMOTIONS I'VE FELT/FEEL FOR YOU!
Almost like you're afraid of a commitment? It's already bad enough you're FINALLY gonna met your little drug addict whore. Seriously. What makes them so much better? I don't want to waste 16 hours of my life, but if that's what it's going to take to finally see you and show you how I fucking feel about you, then that's what I have to do. If I could, I'd leave right now to come see you and tell you how I fucking feel. You don't even know half of the story, my anarchist. You think that I'm so attached to you, but I'm not. I just love you, and I love all of the few of my friends. Starlight. It feels like those lyrics meant so much to us, and now they only mean something to me. I just wish you could see the real me. I'm locked up behind all of the jealousy, paranoid, and hate. There's me. Jen M. Z. The one and only. The one you loved for almost a week. Where is the person that I fell in love with? What happened to all of the random conversations that lasted all night? The flirting and calling? What happened to you? Where the hell is the guy I fell in love with?
I'm always going to love you, no matter what.
All of that I typed out, and there's still more emotions felt.

-MTB. 10 years later, and I lose her. What the fuck happened to you? I mean, I'm your fucking best friend. I'm sorry I'm not into all of the whole high school shit, but I think it's really fucking retarted. Where the hell did Munkee G. go? Now I just have Mari B. who doesn't give a shit about Jen Z. I've lost my best friend, forever. She isn't ever coming back. It hurts so bad to know that. I don't even know who you are anymore.

I want to run away, just to see if these people would care.
To stop talking to them, to see if they would call.
To dissappear for a while, just to see if they would think about me.
To hate them, just to see if they would love me the way that I love them.
To walk away, just to see if they would follow.
To do something stupid in front of them, to see if they would stop me.
To tell them everything about how I felt, and to see their real reaction.
I want them to say "I love you Jen, nothing is going to change that. Ever."
And in the end, I can honestly say, I don't think they would ever do any of these things.

It's time to move on to my sorry.

-Joe. My God, he's such a great guy, and I admit, he treats me like shit somedays. But he's so sweet and everything someone would ask for. But I'm a fucking idiot and I can appreciate him. I'm too in love with crazy anarchist. What the fuck is wrong with me?

-Crazy Anarchist. The things I would love to scream in your face right now. Pull my hair out to show you how much you bother me. But, if you were here with me, right now, I'd give you a huge hug and tell you that I love you and that I've missed you. I think about you everyday, and I'm not exaggerating. I wonder what it would be like if you were here with me. I need to seriously move on. But I never want to let you go. I guess things are back to when we first started talking and I first started to like you. I hope we do get back to the way things were back in July, where we had so much fun. And I hope that they last longer than they did. We need another chance.

-MTB. Alright, I was one of those friends who hated it if you had another friend. But, you could never look beyond my bad qualities, could you?

I admit, I'm a VERY VERY jealous and paranoid person. And I fucking hate it. So don't act like I'm choosing to be this way. I fight it everytime. I've had a lot of shit happen to me for years, and I just wish that you knew the pain I've gone through. I'm not trying to be all emo, "My life's so horrible, love me and care about me." No, I just want you to understand.

So, in my many times of thinking this over, I'm going to stop talking to Crazy Anarchist after today, maybe even Joe too. Just to see if they follow me.
I don't want to do this to Joe, but I hope that Crazy Anarchist would care and worry about me.
Just to prove my point and make myself cry even more.

I was icon searching today and I found this one:

I love it.

I need to buy a quote book and write down all the quotes that are my feelings.

My God, I still don't feel better. And there's so much more I want to say about them.

Love always,
Jen

I woke up, got a call from my grandmother saying the dog needed to go for a walk. Paul had called me a little bit earlier saying that he just took the dog out.
My God, it's a dog. It will be fine if it doesn't go outsude for 2 hours.

I ended up going home early. I didn't get a chance to download crazy anarchist's videos on to my I-POD. Hopefully Monday I will.

I'm already worrying about Christmas. I don't know what to get everyone. Crazy Anarchist is the ONLY person I got anything for already! I'll have to make lists and all of that fun stuff.
I mean, I don't even know what I want yet!

I had a good conversation with Crazy Anarchist last night. Trust me, it was awesome. ") ")

I'll be cleaning my room for the rest of the day. I'm thinking about playing Tenchu and Guitar Hero for the rest of the night.

Text if anyone is bored??

Love always,
Jen

"Suteki da ne" is Japanese for "Isn't it beautiful" Also a song featured in FFX, for all of you Final Fantasy players out there.

I havent posted in forever! Here's some updates?

-The thing with Domo is officially over. I mean, I don't mind, I started drifting farther away from him everyday. It's a shame because we used to be so close over the summer. Well, we're still decent friends, but I'm ignoring him for a while. Now that I see what he's like, I don't understand WHAT I WAS THINKING back in June.

-Met my father at the end of October, I think, or the beginning of November. He's shorter than me. I've found out enough things that I didn't really want to know. It just makes me wonder, do I really want more answers to my past to ruin my future more or to never find out answers and be wondering for the rest of my life? I've got until next Tuesday to deccide.

-Crazy Anarchist. This kid makes me want to pull all of my hair out and scream my heart out. How can a person be so loving and hating at the same time? I miss the way things used to be. I think about our old conversations, and I notice now how different things used to be. Things now are like how they used to be when we first met. Could this be a cycle? We always have our ups and downs, that's just how our friendship is! At least you hate the whore now. I'm just hoping that he realizes that I'm always gonna be there for him. I've moved on, but the memories kill me some days.

-It's official. Marielle has been turned against me and brainwashed by Jeralyn. 10 years and I don't even know this person anymore. High school is a time to meet new friends, and this is my time now. I've already made new friends, and they are awesome. But somedays, they just can't fill that space.

-As my life goes on, I'm noticing that all of my friendships are changing. Some for good, some for bad. But that's life.

-Sacrifice is being worked on again! I'm just attempting to think of more ideas! This is always my weak spot: trying to think of things that will happen between this event and the next big event. I was reading over some of the new book in the series, and I'm already changing how things will happen. Anyone have any ideas?

Finally downloaded the videos of crazy anarchist off of Youtube! I'm gonna put those on my I-POD once I get them converted....

Going to the mall this weekend! I hate going there now, I have no money to spend since I have to save up for a car. I'm probably working Sunday too. I know I'll be working Saturday.

Saturday is going to be about playing Tenchu all day and trying to think of ideas for Sacrifice. I need to start writing, or I'm going to go insane.

I'm spending the night with my mum tonight. Hopefully I'll post tomorrow or later.
This blog should have been posted yesterday....

Love always,
Jen

I've had a HUGE headache and stomachache tonight, so this is gonna be a short post.

I left my vocab book in my locker so I missed my English homework!!!! That's gonna be great, knowing that I'm attempting to get into Honors English.
Joey helped me with last night's homework. I need to find him tonight so we can work on the essay again!

I've got Algebra homework tonight. They messed up on my score on the entrance exam, so I'm in the wrong class.

Well, that's my post for now.

Love always,
Jen

Yeah, I've had to take care of myself all of my life, and I still do.

So Domo's mad or something. I don't know. He won't talk to me at all. I'm giving him his space.

So me and crazy anarchist talked today. And this was one of the best things he told me:

End of the day blog. It's been a loooooooooong day.

I've been thinking about summer all day. I miss it sooooooooo much. Well, this 2008 summer. Lot's of things happened.

-I became wayyyyyyy better friends with Domo. That was one of the first things that happened. He ran up my bill that whole summer. But, I've had so many good memories with him. I don't think I'll ever forget the hugs that woke me up at 3 AM, or all the random talks about tacos!

-Crazy Anarchist. HOLY SHIT! OUR BEST TIME EVER! Sooo many memories with him from the summer! I really miss that period of fun. I had a great time.

-John, MR.RABBIT, got a hold of me in June! It was so great to hear from him again! But, I started to worry about Mr.London Boy a lot after John brought him up. But it was 4 years since I heard from John and i was so surprised!

I never did hear from Mr.London Boy that summer. It made me worry all those months. I think I finally heard from him at the end of August. I mean, his sister never talked to him. She never saw him.

On to another topic.

I walked the dog at the end of the day. We were walking and a cat ran out of no where! So after that, we walked again and ANOTHER cat ran out of nowhere! Then we walked by the parking lot, and a racoon was there! WORST WALK EVER.

JOE HAS BEEN GONE FOR 7 HOURS AT WAL-MART! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! WHERE ARE YOU?????????
I MISS YOU!

I've been watching SNL all night. My God, I love laughing.

I've been playing the Sims tonight. Been addicted to it. That's not good LOL LOL.

Hopefully dying my hair soon.

Well, I hope everyone has a good night tonight.

Love always,
Jen

More thoughts for the day.


I really really hate how people act like they are so fucking important. Seriously. Just because you are a spoiled brat by your parents, doesn't mean the rest of the world will view you that way. Maybe the average American teenagers will, because they are too, but you really need to grow up. I mean, to through away your old life as soon as August comes is fucking retarted. You have a true friend, and she's given up. You've changed WAY too much, and not in a good way. Now you can look at this and act like I'm fucking retarted. But if you don't think that you've changed at all, you are the fucking retarted one.

So, in my question, how the hell do you tell someone you don't want to talk to them again? That you want to take a break for a while?
Ahaha, i'm gonna have fun explaining this to a few people.

Went to Olive Garden today. I fucking hate kids, I swear.

I've been cleaning my room all day. Finally got most of it done!

I'll post later.

Love always,
Jen

Fuck, late night again.

I've got a bunch of shit running through my mind right now.

My first problem:
Mr.London Boy LOL LOL-

Where the hell has he been is what i'm wondering. Since September 29 I haven't heard from him. And that was just a shitty email.
What, did he forget about everything that happened that whole September? Seriously.

My second problem:
Crazy Anarchist-
Damn, I don't even know why i call you that anymore. I used to call you that.
We've got so many fucking problems right now. I just want them to go away and for us to be back to Crazy Anarchist and Engel.
Back to July where everything was laughs, and my crying so hard from laughing.
And our "serious" problem. LOL LOL I'm always gonna cherish those memories, fer sure.
I'm always gonna remember that day when I was with Marielle and Marielle's parents.
"Who's that? Noooooooooo don't gooooooooooo."
Great times, seriously. I had a mouthful of shrimp then too!
Why can't our problems just fucking go away?

I've been listening to music all night and posting on the tenchu forum. That place brings up a LOT of memories.

I'm looking back on summer again and I FUCKING MISS IT. All those months of happiness, and it all fucking ends.

Ahaha, I bought more hair dye today. I'm getting my pink/red back! Sooooooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm done for the night.

Love always,
Jen

Yeah, my title is a little random.

I've decided NOT to go with my plans today. I could barely get out of bed today. I woke up and found Snoopy and Jazmine staring at me.
I got up, changed into whatever clothes I could find and took the dog out.
So we walked around the field in the back of my house for a while. It was cold and gloomy, but it was so peaceful outside. I had my I-POD with me, so music was great to listen to. All of a sudden, Snoopy started to dig a hole. Great....

After getting his paws and nose dirty, it was time to go inside. I washed his paws quickly, so he got treats as a reward for behaving in the tub.

As I was walking around outside, I thought about a few things:

-It's kind of sad how someone can change in a short period of about 2 months. But, if you barely talked to the person in that period of time, I guess you couldn't see it coming. I kind of thought about all the memories. Memories are nice, but that's all that they are going to be. They put me to sleep some nights, and somedays they make me pissed off or whatever, but I still love them.

-December is on it's way! Which means National Ninja Day [December 5], Christmas, and my birthday!!!!! [December 29].
Ahhh I can't wait! Winter is one of my favorite seasons, besides summer.

-Halloween is next Friday!!!! I'm having a few people come over for a "party". We're just gonna have some food and watch The Nightmare Before Christmas and Corpse Bride. I might stay up and watch Ghost Hunters. I don't even have my costume yet! Clara, Marielle, Lisa, Jeralyn, Bri, and Ellie should be coming over.

-Damn it's cold outside.

The plans for today are hopefully to clean my room and get that organized. I might read a book or something, too. I don't know how long cleaning is gonna take though, and laundry.

Tenchu 4 was relased early in Japan this month!!!! That means hopefully early release dates for the US??
It's a shame, you can only play as Rikimaru in the beginning. The post that I read from the person who posted it hasn't even finished the game yet, so we don't know if we can play as Ayame. But, from the previews, there's gonna be some fighting between the two. It does show gameplay as her, so I'm hopeful.

THANKSGIVING IS IN 6 WEEKS! FOOD! I can't wait! Then it's another step closer to Christmas!

What does anyone want for Christmas? Jim Jim, Marielle? What do you two want? Since you are the only two that read my blog.
And of course you, Joey, but I think I might have an idea of what to get you. I don't even know what I want yet.
I switched Nikko's gift. He's getting a box of Pocky. No Dr.Pepper shirt for you since they don't have your size.

December 5 is gonna be AWESOME! NATIONAL NINJA DAY!!!!
Anyone coming over for Ninja Burgers??
Here's some ideas IF you are gonna celebrate: http://www.askaninja.com/node/1716
Jim, we MUST celebrate together! You are the only other ninja lover I know!

I should start decorating for Halloween today, too. After I clean the hosue and my room though.
I feel creative today. I might make something for my room. It needs more stuff on the wall! LOL LOL
If ANY of you have seen my room, you better be laughing your ass off right now.

Off to breath and live my life doing whatever! I'll post later....

Love always,
Jen